February 16th, 2005
I am not a fan of reflecting upon past occurrences; it’s a completely waste of one’s time and energy to try to rationalize and or relive events that happened in the past.
Unfortunately, those events came to this morning and early me late last Sunday evening. I usually do not remember my dreams or have the time to dream, but last night was different. For once, in many years, I had a prolonged dream that actually haunted my conscious state of mind. I do not understand why this nightly-vision had such an effect on my being, but I am in the process of making sure it does not happen a third time.
I remember the visions distinctly; both had to due with the times I was in Wutai. I was young then; I was also dense. The beginning of the dream began in the fields of Wutai; I was there, with my mother, picking tealeaves off of the many bushes that made a home in the thick grasslands. She was smiling, which was a rare sight to see even when she was amongst the living. After a few moments of staring at her, I remember that her face began to fade into a blinding, white-colored light. I can only describe it as a glare of some kind. But soon, her face was fully engulfed in this blinding light and once it subdued, her face was nothing but a skull smiling back at me.
I remember I woke up then. It was 3:34am Sunday night. I remember indulging myself in some of the paperwork that I hadn’t finished the night before to keep my mind off of that heinous image. For a few days, I managed to keep the thought from entering my mind.
That’s when last night rolled around.
I left work late that evening; I had some extra paperwork to fill out and since I was going to be busy the following day with an assortment of things to do, I decided to get all the paperwork finished. Once the files were placed in their correct slots, I finally made my way home. It was around 3:56am then. I remember arriving home around 4:15am and falling asleep around 4:36am.
That’s when the dream came around for round two.
It started where it had left off Sunday night. I was running away from my mother’s corpse when her husband found me. He snatched me up by the back of the neck and dragged me back home. He was asking me all sorts of questions. He was asking why I killed Mom. I told him I had no idea what he was talking about.
Then the helicopters came.
Hundreds of helicopters branded with the Company logo roared over the mountainside and began landed around Wutai. I remember that I was filled with shock and fear; I didn’t know what to do.
I woke up then. It was around 6:37am.
I went to work and since then I have been thinking about my mother’s corpse and Wutai being invaded.
But enough time has been spent on such trivial thoughts. The past is only the past. Right now, I have a job to do and rookies to train
Current Mood: nostalgic
Current Music: Hans Zimmer - Ronin
February 14th, 2005
Fools. All of them are complete fools. I don't know whether this is some sort of cruel joke Heidegger is trying to play on me, or if he actually believes these people would make perfect candidates for my organization.
They are all a bunch of children; all of them. Maybe Rude is the only one that truly qualifies to be in the Turks, but the rest disappoint me. They are making a laughing stalk out of this organization.
And I will not have it.
Current Mood: infuriated
Current Music: Depeche Mode - Blasphemous Rumors
February 12th, 2005
The new band of people coming into the Turks is beginning to
debase the organization. I have been noticing the lack of qualified
individuals flowing into my office.
And it's beginning to become quite an annoyance.
From now on, I plan to spend a good portion of the day training these miserable excuses for Turks.
Monday through Friday I will hold training sessions for 6:00pm to
9:00pm. I expect everyone to be there. If you do not show up or if
you're late, you will truly regret it.
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: Hans Zimmer - A Way of Life
February 11th, 2005
3:45:13am - Feb. 11th.
This morning, I came in to work only to discover that someone had been
in my office the previous night while I was out on business. Whoever it
was, I would appreciate it if he or she would report to my office
immediately, so that he or she can pick up the cookies they left in my
In the future, I would appreciate it if no one, under any
circumstances, comes into my office while I am out at work. I do not
enjoy finding particles of food on my paperwork.
And just a reminder to those who may have forgot, we have a rookie training session tonight at eight. Don't be late.
Current Mood: blank